A Devotee’s Journey of Transformation
In the following excerpt from a special edition of Sanathana Sarathi, Italian Catholic priest, Don Mario Mazzoleni elaborates on the transformation he experienced after encountering Swami’s “vibration of Love.”
What is it in one’s life that transforms when one meets this mystery that is Sai Baba? What has changed for me, particularly in my life as a Catholic priest? The first aspects that come to mind are how I evaluate my daily activities and my overall relationship to time. Before knowing Baba, I felt that the result of my actions mattered most, that life’s activities acquired value according to the amount of time dedicated to them. Yet, Baba has taught me to value quality over quantity. I am astonished by what I now see unfolding in my life. When I used to think I was doing a lot because I engaged in many activities, I was, in fact, wasting much time. Now that I try to surrender to God’s time, actually surrendering to God who is Time, every moment of the day is made precious by the constant search for unity and identity with Him. In this search, no moment is ever lost.
I feel a change even in how I meet the unpleasant events in my life, those annoyances that nobody would ever want to encounter. Baba is a very practical teacher who chooses the precise moment when He will test you. At the beginning the tests seemed hard and the “menu” varied: a serious illness, a car accident, legal problems, financial difficulties and more. The events seemed inexplicably complex with no apparent possibility for their resolution. It seemed that everything that happened justified further anguish. Then you realize that if you can surrender yourself completely and unconditionally to Him, all problems are solved in the best possible way. Baba says that there are times when it seems that nothing goes right. This is only because He has chosen alternative ways for us that are longer, slower and temporarily more tiresome. All of this is to leave to the main road free and unencumbered so that the really important work can be achieved.
Examining my life, He has done so much work on the main road that it sometimes feels as if I have lived many lives is these fifty years. However, I can hear Baba repeatedly saying that this world is just a stage on which we act a part, and that life is an illusion, only a scene of the infinite Divine Comedy. Once we really experience this, even though suffering does not vanish, it no longer has the same hold on the mind that it once did, nor does it have the same after-effects. Amidst suffering, one begins to perceive and feel grace. From an accident one draws advantages and acquires the certainty that without the protective hand of Swami, the outcome might have been fatal. On occasions, one can also experience being a witness, a spectator of the recital of one’s own drama. It appears sometimes that living is like turning the pages of an adventure books; in the evening, having finished a page and having put the book aside, one waits in anticipation for tomorrow to begin the next chapter.
In my personal drama, in the role of a Catholic priest, I spoke of Swami from this official position, allowed by the robe I wore, and so the robe was taken from me. Initially I reflected on my motives which were only to speak the truth and to broaden the Catholic mind. Yet, I have continued to reflect deeply on this event and its inner meaning. Roman Catholic priests carry the title “don”. The excommunication revoked that title. As Swami loves to play with words, it is as if I hear Him telling me from within my own heart, “Don’t don (the robe)”. He has set me on a new course, set me out to learn the art of how to wear a new man and discard the old. I have learned that the value of our words do not come from our external authority, but from who are inside.
Concerning my feelings toward the Catholic Church, I am actually able, through Swami’s grace, to view this as a simple act of human authority, karmic for me, and consistent with the thinking of the ecclesiastical world. I carry no ill-will toward the institution that ratified this decision. It is not my intent that news of my excommunication should give rise to negative judgments or condemnations. Furthermore, the event did not in the least shake my relationship with Swami. In fact, it only deepened it. I felt Swami’s grace throughout the ordeal and now feel that I am the son of all churches, including the one that sent me away; One may cease being loved, but it is never possible to cease one from loving.
The Divine Orchestra Conductor decides when to make the music stop and where to insert the pauses; It is possible to preach with words, but it is also possible to preach with silence. Nobody is excluded from this Divine Gift because everybody, with different instruments, is playing his or her part. The symphony is magnificent only when the Divine is the Conductor.
Sri Sathya Sai’s teachings pursue a unified purpose: to free man from the tie of the form, even, ultimately, the one of God. Therefore, after having satiated and inebriated us with the joy of His physical presence, He brings us gradually and masterfully to the absolute emancipation from all historical form, apparent and illusive, holding our hand for that jump into the Light that has neither name nor shape.
The great miracle of Swami consists in the vibrancy of His love. It is not a love which induces passiveness; it brings with it a self-regenerating force. Those who have drawn from it will be able to walk autonomously, held by the awareness that Baba is not simply the sweet orange figure whose darshan we yearn for, but the essence of life which maintains all worlds. Looking within, one receives His darshan. The joy derived from this not only soothes any human pain, but gives an irreducible energy to face the challenges of life with fortitude and joy.
