My First Journey to Sai

My invitation to see Swami came to me very suddenly. After many years of waiting to see Him, I was given a chance to go to India. I feel strongly that the invitation came from Baba. For financial reasons, I had not been able to visit India. The invitation seemed sudden to me, but I believe God had been watching my progress and determined that it was the time for me to go. I saw a photo of Baba 18 years ago in Toronto, at the home of an Indian doctor where I was giving a Yoga Workshop. At that time, I felt the doctor was talking about a cult and that he was a bit strange! Obviously, it Wasn’t the right time for me to be with Baba. Four years ago, I read a Japanese book about Swami; and was very impressed. Afterward, a Japanese friend introduced me to Sai Baba meetings.

I began my spiritual path at 21, practicing Yoga and Buddhism. During many years of spiritual searching, I was involved with different groups and teachers. In the beginning, each would be fresh, inspiring, and exciting, but over time I always experienced a degree of disappointment. With Baba, however, the more I studied and knew about Him, the more I appreciated his teachings and love.

On my birthday, in December, a friend gave me an airline ticket to India. During the three weeks between receiving the ticket and going, all preparations, information and arrangements came easily—as if Baba were inviting me to see Him.

At the airport the day I left for India, my suitcase broke because I had tried to put too much inside. I traveled all the way to India with my bag open, which was a bit embarrassing. But, the moment it broke, I felt’ that Baba was revealing the main purpose of this trip: my old self was dying, just as my old bag had broken. This would allow my true self to be born.

I stayed at the ashram for 15 days and time passed quickly. I felt 15 days was enough for my first visit. I went alone, so the first five or six days, aside from jet lag, I felt a little confused as I tried to figure out the lifestyle and the daily schedule. Before the first morning’s darshan, at about four a.m., I went to the Ganesha temple where many people were praying. I followed along and felt that God welcomed me to His ashram. I felt very happy.

Quickly I adjusted to ashram life. One day, I felt my consciousness changing. I started to feel more self-confidence and inner strength. I wondered what was happening to me. Baba came into my heart, it seemed, to work on a very deep and subtle level, to change my consciousness. Though I had practiced Yoga, meditation and healing arts with exceptional teachers for years, the new level of transformation only came when I experienced Swami in His ashram. I now believe that only God can make this kind of transformation happen.

I would like to share a few words that touched my heart while I was at the ashram: Some words from Baba were posted in the dining hall: “God you think, God you are. Dust you think, dust you are. As you think, so you are. Think God, be God.” A long-time Indian devotee shared the following words with me: Baba says, “I am in your heart. Why do you want to have small things?” He meant: Why do you seek after small things, like an interview with Him at the ashram, when He is really within you and with you all the time? It is this knowledge of His eternal presence within us that we should seek. The same devotee said, “If you think you are in Swami’s hand, you are in Swami’s hand.” These three quotes touched my heart, and I continue to try to internalize them on a daily basis.

Back in New York, I felt that 15 days in Baba’s ashram had passed in one second! Yet, it took me almost eight weeks to become grounded again in my daily life. I think this is partially because I was ill with a cold and flu. Normally, I am never sick and the illness kept my physical energy very unstable. At the same time, I felt I had received a powerful spiritual operation by Dr. Sai Baba and that recuperation took several weeks. As in any operation, we don’t always know what is happening during the recuperation process. I trusted that the cleansing period was necessary and that I would be better soon.

Experiencing Swami’s form made me appreciate His teaching more profoundly. Before I saw Him, I understood His teachings mostly in my head; now my heart understands and this seems to touch me more deeply. Of course, applying His teachings on a daily basis is the most important thing for spiritual seekers, which is not always easy. With Baba’s help, I am encouraged to follow His direction.

Today, I live to bring Divine awareness into my everyday life. A few months ago, early in the morning, when I was only half awake, the following words came to me: “God you think, God you are. Dust you think, dust you are. As you think, so you are. Think God, be God.” Also “Surrender, trust and accept.” This is the teaching I want to follow and live with from now on.

I have encountered many difficulties in the past seven or eight years. Freelance work is often unstable. I have sometimes felt unsafe and insecure in the world and have envied people with stable jobs and solid family lives. But I feel that Swami is teaching me that God is the one I can trust and that all security comes from Him. Perhaps my difficulties and instabilities are giving me the opportunity to surrender to God and put my trust in Him. I am seeing that my difficulties are a blessing in disguise.

I live day to day as an ordinary human being but visiting Swami has given me a powerful inspiration and motivation to keep searching for divine love and to expand my life and light.

I thank Swami for His inspiration, teachings and love and for inviting me to see Him. I thank my friend who helped make the trip possible. And I thank the people who make contact with me on a daily basis.

~Koji Yamamoto
New York, USA