The Call
At 10:30 A.M. on the 12th of May 1988, I was an atheist. Two hours later I knew that there was God. How this all came about and how I became a devotee of Bhagavan Sri Sathya Sai Baba is a very interesting story.
During 1985 my life began falling apart at the seams. I had been a Continental truck driver for some 20 years, and because I was away from home for weeks on end, my marriage failed. To obtain lodgings for only one day a month seemed a waste of money, so I began living in my truck. I would return to England and instead of going home to a family I would change trailers, go to the supermarket and the launderette and leave again on the next ferry. I continued this lifestyle for three years, living and eating in my truck, and eventually became extremely insular. I didn’t talk to anyone for weeks on end and hated anyone parking their truck near mine. I no longer visited my children as they wanted nothing to do with me, and my life was a one-Way street downhill to nowhere. I seriously contemplated committing suicide on two occasions but could not find the necessary courage to push the ‘self-destruct button.’
On May 12, 1988, I arrived in Dover and was awaiting the next ferry out again. I decided to walk along the sea front and sat down on a bench overlooking the harbor, immersed in misery of my own making. As I sat looking out at sea, a voice called my name. I looked around to see who it was, but no one was there. A second time my name was called, and again I searched for the sound of the voice, but to no avail. The third time my name was called, I realized that it was coming not from without, but from within. Was I going crazy? Had I at last passed through the barrier from sanity to insanity—a pathway I was surely on?
I have since described the voice that I heard as the sound of every bird song that has ever been. The voice was soft, gentle, caring and soothing, but at the same time it commanded respect and immediate attention. The voice continued talking to me. “Tony, I have given everyone a cross to bear. Some heavy and some not so heavy. I am going to give you the spiritual strength to carry other people’s crosses for them, and Whilst you do this for me, I shall carry yours.”
The voice was gone, and I began to cry. I sobbed and sobbed for over two hours, my shirt front soaked with a thousand tears, a thousand hurts, a thousand bitter memories of yesteryear. Two hours, during which the outpourings of 44 years of bottled up emotions freed themselves from the prison that was my heart. Each bitter memory rose from the center of my inner being and evaporated into the still, warm air. I unlocked the cells of my prison and freely allowed each moment of suffering, pain, and hurt to rise to the surface and then freed them from my captive heart.
After two hours of this outpouring of inner emotion, it was as if two giant weights had been lifted from my shoulders. During that moment within a moment I knew there was God. God had come into my life when I had needed Him the most, and although I had been an atheist, giving not one single thought to Him, He had never lost hope in me. I was most richly blessed.
I walked across the road to the telephone box and spoke to my boss, telling him that I had now quit as a truck driver. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life, but I knew I would spend the rest of my earthly days serving my Lord.
For six months I searched for God. I searched different churches and different faiths and eventually found God in the one place I had overlooked: my own heart.
During the next three years, I began working in a hospital and found that I actually liked people. I liked caring for them, speaking with them, and more importantly, loving them. I was remarried to a wonderful Christian lady, Valerie, and my life began taking on a whole new purpose. I was happy.
In early 1991, I saw pictures of the orphans of Romania on television. My wife and I formed the Romanian Orphanage Fund, and I traveled to Romania on five occasions, taking aid of clothes, food, and medical supplies to the children. It meant giving up my Work in the hospital and also meant that I had no income. Valerie gave me her complete support. Whilst I was in Romania, she worked in an office, supporting the two of us financially.
In December 1991, Valerie and I visited Glastonbury, which is a spiritual center, and while there we visited a book shop at the Chalice Well. We both enjoy book shops and while glancing at the selections, a book fell off the shelf above me and struck me on the head. The book was The Embodiment of Love by Peggy Mason and Ron Laing, telling of the experiences of meeting someone called Sri Sathya Sai Baba. I flicked through the pages and found a photograph of someone with a head of bushy hair who looked like an Indian pop star. Valerie said that I ought to buy it, seeing that it had jumped off the shelf of its own accord! So, I did.
l took it home with me and laid it on the Kitchen table, meaning to read it when I found the time. The very next morning I received a 1992 calendar. The calendar depicted the face of Jesus Christ in the foreground with Sri Sathya Sai Baba standing behind him. The man who sent it was the artist; he had seen an article about my Romanian work and had graciously sent me the calendar. As there was a telephone number, I gave him a call to thank him. He said that if l wanted to know more about Sri Sathya Sai Baba, I should buy a book called The Embodiment of Love by Peggy Mason and Ron Laing! When I told him that l had purchased the book the day before, he said: “Oh, tears of absolute joy are running down my cheeks!” Valerie and I were lucky enough to actually meet Peggy Mason and Ron Laing on December 5th, a Thursday.
As the weeks unfolded and my awareness of Swami increased, I received a copy of “Facets”, one of the magazines devoted to bringing a plea for help for the people of Croatia. Food, medicines, and disinfectants were urgently needed, so I gave the editors a call. I told them about my Romanian work and that I had a vehicle and trailer, plus years of experience, at their disposal. On meeting them I found out that during the same weekend when Valerie and I were in the book shop in Glastonbury, they were praying to Swami for someone with a vehicle and trailer and the expertise to take the aid to Croatia.
It was obvious that Swami had decided on a short cut to Tony Budell. Throwing a book some 5,000 miles from India to Glastonbury may seem a bit drastic, but it worked!
On the first of my journeys to Croatia I didn’t really know what to expect, but I was met in Austria by an executive of the Sathya Sai Organization in Europe. He led me to a home in Zagreb, and my heart was overwhelmed by the wonderful hospitality of some 20 to 30 Swami devotees. The love that these caring Croatians devotees engender has to be felt to be believed. I was a stranger in a strange country, and yet from the moment we met they opened their hearts to me. They truly cared, and they showed they cared. They truly loved, and they showed their love for Swami by their Seva. They took me to the hospitals, always ensuring that I saw and needed to see, and answering the questions that I needed answering.
In the home was a beautiful shrine to Swami and on Saturday we all sang bhajans. This was a truly magical experience for me as it was my very first bhajan. To meet these Croatians is a joy and the most wonderful experience is to spend part of your life with them.
I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I intend making at least six trips to Croatia before the end of September. In October, Valerie and I, along with the artist who sent the calendar, and another friend are off to India for a month to visit Puttaparthi and, hopefully, to catch a glimpse of my Lord in human form, Sri Sathya Sai Baba.
~Tony Budell
London, U.K.
