Swami I Want You
Divij Desai, a Student from 2001-2006, in the Department of Physics of the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning, wrote the following article. Currently he is a Manager, at TCS e-Serve Ltd., in London.
My first ideas of God were of someone who could assume any form, who would be bigger than the biggest and smaller than the smallest.In my mind, I often visualized my God as someone who could appear in myriad colors, as one who possesses imaginary weapons, and who had the entire creatiaon within Him. More startlingly, my imagination even led me to conclude that He was more of a punisher than a boon-giver, that He was always framed in photographs and lived only in idol form. One day, these beliefs changed to a perception of a beautiful, loving, and affectionate God.
It was the 16th of November, 1995 and I was seated in an august assembly in Sai Kulwant Hall with devotees from all over the world. I had managed to secure a place in front row. When Swami arrived I rose to offer a tray with akshata (rice grains) and said “Swami, today is my birthday.” “Achha, phir Swami bless karta hai. (is that so, then Swami will bless you).” He then took some akshata from the tray and showered them on my head. This was my first face-to-face interaction with Bhagavan.
That interaction offered a new image of God—He is not someone who demands years of penance. Till then, Swami was restricted just to photos and distant darshan [sight of a holy man]. But after that interaction I realized that God is someone just like us, but with a difference. He is the most powerful yet tender, all-knowing yet compassionate and munificent. And if we were to take thousands of births from now on and spend every second of these lives reciting the Lord’s glory, we would still fall short of describing it fully.
I often wondered why they refer to Him as God when He looks, talks, walks, eats, and drinks just like us. To this query, my heart whispered only one answer. He is like all of us, so He can teach us that we can all become like Him. The very purpose of our life should be to become like Him or to become one with Him.
The beautiful and serene face of Bhagavan reflects kshama (forgiveness). It is His kshama that renders us happy and joyous. Each one of us has a story of our own consisting of good deeds, with the latter predominant in most of our lives. But when we face the Lord, He erases all our erroneous writings and sees us as clean slates. As a clean mirror, He reflects our own selves and wipes away every mistake of ours. Swami has often stated that one evolves as a human being by developing kshama.
That is why He declares, “Forget the harm that others have done to you; forget the good that you have done to others.”
The Vedas proclaim: Tyagenaike amrutatva manashuhu (Immortality can be attained only through sacrifice.)
Bhagavan is the greatest example that the world can ever witness in this aspect. Many times we have heard of Bhagavan taking a calamity upon Himself in order to save a devotee from danger. I am reminded of one such incident, which took place when I was studying in my final year at the Brindavan campus. Bhagavan had an injury due to an apparent mishap and did not come out to give darshan for almost a fortnight. People all across the globe—devotees young and old prayed for Bhagavan’s health and to heal Himself as fast as possible.
Bhagavan finally listened to our prayers. After a month, when things were back to normal, an elderly devotee of Bhagavan mustered some courage and asked, “Swami, was this necessary? Why did You take this injury upon Yourself? It was so painful for us to see You in that condition.” Bhagavan replied, “When I was hurt, every heart prayed only for Me. For once there was a spirit of unity in prayers all across the planet. And when there is such harmony in thought the world over, do you know how many of your sins will be washed away? And if your sins are washed away will you not be happy, and if you are happy will I not be happy?”
Bhagavan had undertaken physical pain and trouble to wipe away our sins. Is there any greater example of sacrifice? If someone were to ask us what makes us believe that Sai Baba is God, what would we say? It is not because He can transmute earth into heaven or metamorphose night into day. The real reason is that He loves us more than we love ourselves. He loves us to such an extent that He is ready to sacrifice anything for our sake. In fact, by keeping a smiling face in spite of being in so much physical pain, Bhagavan teaches us the greatest lesson of overcoming body attachment.
“Love is life and life is love.” Bhagavan’s life is nothing but an expression of love. I vividly recollect an episode during my stay in Brindavan. It was the month of March and we had examinations. Bhagavan had come to Brindavan after Shivaratri [holy day dedicated to Shiva]. The night after my first examination, I received a phone call from my mother. She informed me that my father had met with a minor accident. They had been to the family doctor and had been asked to get an x-ray of the injured left leg. I had seen other students and devotees getting up during darshan to inform Swami about their troubles. Swami would usually bless them, comfort them, and at times even materialize vibhuti [holy ash] assuring them that He would take care. Until then, I myself had never experienced it.
That night I pleaded with Bhagavan. If it were true that even minute details do not escape Bhagavan’s attention, then He would respond to my prayers. The next morning my belief in His omnipresence was confirmed. He came and stood right in front of me and I said, “Swami, my father met with a minor accident.” He immediately created vibhuti and said, “Give this to your father and do not worry. There is no fracture. Bhagavan loves everyone.”
More than confirming His Divinity, this event taught me that a life worth living should be lived in loving others just like He does. And if I asked myself what I would like to be, the sole reply would be—I would love to be like Bhagavan.
One day during darshan, Bhagavan asked me, “What do you want?” I had read myths about great saints and sages, who were granted a boon after years of penance, and I fumbled while answering the question from the Lord. So with childlike innocence I replied, “Swami, I want You!” And intriguingly Swami replied, “I am always with you. I am always with everyone, all the time. What else do you wish?”
“Swami, I want Your love.”
“Yes, this is what you should ask for. “
If we ask for His love, we will progress to develop love, sacrifice, forgiveness, become like Him, and indeed become one with Him. What else do we need to aspire for?
Source: Sai Nandana 2005 (80th Birthday Offering)
