Friends?
Bhagavan Sri Sathya Sai Baba enlightened the students attending the Summer Course more than 30 years back on the choice and importance of true friendship.
During his sojourn in this transient world, wading through joy and grief, man has a sore need for someone of his kind with whom he can communicate his feelings; with whom he can share his discoveries, depressions, bliss and sorrow, and to be by his side while trekking the hard road to truth and peace, encouraging and enthusing him toward the goal.
Who is one’s true friend? Who is one’s false friend? In today’s world, friendship and friends are far from ideal. We rarely find friends who can confer precious gifts like real counsel, comfort, and consolation.
The bond
A friendship knit by monetary bonds is disrupted as soon as [you ask for] the loan to be repaid. So, when you oblige your friend with a loan, the friendship too is broken at that very moment. How can friendship be cemented by words or by coins?
Heart must understand heart; and, heart must be drawn to heart for friendship to last. Friendship must bind two hearts and affect both of them beneficially, whatever may happen—loss or gain, pain or pleasure, good fortune or bad. The bond must survive all the blows of fate, and be unaffected by time, place and circumstance.
Each must have full knowledge of the other; each must correct the other; and each must welcome criticism and comment from the other for each knows that they come from sympathy and love. Each must be vigilant that the other does not slide from the ideal, cultivate habits that are deleterious, or hide thoughts and plans that are evil. The honor of each is in the safe keeping of the other. Each must trust the other and rely on the other’s watchful love.
Only those who help in uplifting life, cleansing ideals, elevating emotions, and strengthening resolves deserve to be called “friends.” Those who drag you into pomp, pedantry, paltry entertainment, and petty pranks are enemies, not friends. Do not be misled in your choice of friends by their social status, financial wealth, outer scintillation, and verbal assertions. See into their very souls, their inner motives, their deeper aspirations and achievements before yielding your loyalty.
Krishna, as friend
You might have heard of the friendship between Kuchela and his ‘class-mate’ [Lord] Krishna [the Avatar]. How could the friendship between these two survive the immense gap in their worldly positions and their spiritual status? Krishna was God incarnate. Kuchela was a mere man. Krishna was a ruler, a kingmaker, an unsurpassed hero, a monarch, and a preceptor. Kuchela was so poor that he was ever at his wit’s end to procure his next meal. They had studied together for a few years at the hermitage of Sage Sandeepani. That had sown the seed of friendship.
King-maker
Once, Kuchela’s wife sent him to Krishna, assuring him that he would not be turned away. Kuchela agreed to proceed, but he hesitated to send word that he had come even though the guard enquired as to whom he was. How could he—a broken, beat, befogged beggar—dare stand before the Lord in His palatial hall with its jeweled throne and announce himself as a ‘friend?’ He was aghast at his own audacity.
However, all his fears melted away, when Krishna recognized him and came forward to receive him warmly and with evident joy. Krishna filled him with supreme bliss with His words, His acts of hospitality, and His attitude of hearty welcome. Krishna also blessed Kuchela’s wife with enormous wealth and comfort, blessing her with peace and prosperity beyond her expectations. No one asked Him [Krishna] for it; His love took that shape, and His grace awarded them happiness. But Kuchela himself was ever content with the friendship of Krishna; he never desired anything other than that. He was overwhelmed with delight when he experienced the compassion and love of the Lord.
Friendship purifies
The feeling of friendship must activate every nerve, permeate every blood cell, and purify every emotional wave; it has no place for the slightest trace of egoism. You cannot elevate the companionship that seeks to exploit or fleece for personal benefit into the noble quality of friendship. The only friend who can pass this rigorous test of friendship is God.
The Bhagavad Gita [The celestial song of Krishna] is an invaluable guide to understand and cultivate this noble friendly emotion. When Arjuna [one of the Pandava brothers and a disciple of Krishna] was dispirited and dejected, Krishna injected courage and a high sense of duty into him and helped him to avoid disgraceful defeat. Arjuna, like a good friend, took the advice in good spirit, with the full confidence that Krishna meant him well. This was because Arjuna was confident of the wisdom and power inherent in Krishna.
Krishna gave Arjuna the following choice: “To help you in battle, you can have either My entire army or Myself alone, unarmed and determined not to fight in spite of any provocation.” And, Arjuna did not hesitate to decide which of these two he wanted. He chose the unarmed Krishna, and prayed that He might be his charioteer during the days when he fought.
The three friends
Long ago, there was a person who had three friends. Quite by accident, he was charged for some crime and a warrant was issued against him by the court. He approached one of his friends and asked him to bear witness to his innocence. The friend said, “I will not move out of this house; I can help you only from within this area.” The second friend, when approached, said, “I can come only up to the porch of the court. I will not enter the witness box.” Then the third friend said, “Come, I shall speak for you, wherever you want me to.”
The first friend represents the ‘property and possession’ that can bear witness only from within the house. The second is ‘the kinsmen, the members of the family,’ who come as far as the cemetery, but would not accompany the person to the judgment seat. The third friend is ‘the fair name earned by one’s virtues and service,’ that persists even after the death and burial. Indeed, they [one’s virtues and service] stand witness for ages and announce the innocence and greatness of the individual. They decide the nature of the next birth, too.
Young as you are, you must make efforts to acquire good friends and keep them. Do not postpone this task, listening to some elders who advise that the path of spirituality can well be trodden later when you have retired from active life. They will say that you can take the Bhagavad Gita in your hand when you have grown old. But, that advice is equivalent to telling a nation that it can afford to wait until war is declared to train an army to encounter the enemy. Long years of preparation are needed to have an army that can meet any contingency; otherwise, if arms are distributed to the untrained, it spells disaster even to the persons wielding the arms.
The friend you need
The good deeds and thoughts that one entertains during life will stand in good stead, firm like a good friend when one is nearing the end. So, you young men and women must resolve to engage yourselves in acts that promote your peace and progress as well as the peace and progress of all mankind. Do not damage your future by pursuing temporary benefits and selfish aggrandizement.
Yearn for and earn good friends who will keep you on an even keel. Above all, have God as your unfailing guide and friend. The hearts of the gopis [contemporaries and devotees of Krishna] had struck deep roots in the love of Krishna. So, when Akrura [a friend of Krishna’s father] came to Gokul [birthplace of Krishna] to take Krishna with him to Mathura [the city from where Krishna’s maternal uncle ruled], the gopis struggled to prevent it. They held on to the steeds of the chariot; they gripped the wheels and sought to prevent them from moving.
Friendship is the expression of unshakeable love, love that is noble, pure, and free from desire or egoism. I bless you that you may have such friendships with others and that you, too, make others happy by granting them this holy type of friendship.
Source: Sanathana Sarathi, Sept. 1973
