Parents

Question: Swami, to what extent are parents responsible for the degradation of values among children?

Bhagavan: My opinion is that parents are solely responsible for spoiling children. Many parents behave like Dhritarashtra, the blind king of the Mahabharata. He never opposed or prevented his sons, the Kauravas, from doing any type of mischief or misdeed. What happened to the king at the end? He was left with none to perform even his last rites or obsequies, though he had as many as a hundred sons. He ruined himself completely. Why? It was his attachment to his sons that solely brought about his fall. The whole clan fell into disrepute due to his attachment.

Modern parents do not know how to bring up their children. Mothers bring food from the kitchen and serve it to the children where they watch television. Parents don’t teach good manners and good behavior to the children. One with good manners is a man. The one with discipline is a devotee. The rest are only children.

Parents are career-oriented and constantly think about highly promising education, with prospects of going abroad. They want their children to settle in big positions, earn money, go abroad, marry rich women, and so on.

There is yet another category of parents. When their children per-chance go to a temple, they prevent them by saying, “Why do you have to go to the temple at this age? You are very young. Should you be so religious at your age? You can be so after the age of sixty.” Likewise, occasionally, you come across a father who asks his son to tell visitors that he—the father—is not home. What do you expect the son to learn from such a father?

There are many children today who are not fortunate to have the loving, sweet, and tender care of their mothers. That is because these mothers are busy with their avocations, and spend their time in ladies clubs, in the market place, shopping, visiting friends, and so on and so forth. As a result, a child weeps when the servant-maid dies and not when its own mother is lost. Why? It is because these children haven’t known the love of a mother, but only that of a servant-maid. This is the shameful situation.

Who made emperor Shivaji great? Who made Gandhi a mahatma? Their mothers made them so. It is entirely the responsibility of parents to mould their children into ideal citizens. If a girl misbehaves, the mother has to be blamed. If a boy misbehaves, the father must be held responsible. Parents should shape their children in such a way as to win the appreciation of everyone. They [the children] should bring a good name for their schools, society, and country in general through their exemplary behavior.

Question: Swami! You know everything. It is very true that we as parents must be blamed. You have pointed out exactly where our mistakes lie. However, today we do not see children respecting their parents. They do not follow instructions. They are most ungrateful. Kindly tell us how children should conduct themselves in the presence of their parents, and how they should treat them.

Bhagavan: You know the Vedic injunctions, “matru devo bhava, pitru devo bhava,” which means mother is God and father is God. One must follow these injunctions. The epics also cite many instances of this.

The culture of India demands that everyone should respect, love, and serve his or her parents, and be very grateful because blood, head, duddu (Tamil word for ‘money’) and God are the gifts from our parents. If you neglect your parents, you will face the same situation at the hands of your own children. As is the fruit you eat, so is your belch. If you eat a cucumber, your belch does not carry the odor of a mango. If you sow a mango seed, can you expect a neem [a tropical ] tree to grow from it? As is the seed, so is the tree. Everything comes back to you as reaction, reflection, and resound. This is guaranteed. You can never escape the consequences of your actions. If you make your parents shed tears, your children will pass on to you the same fate.

Here is a small story. A man, named Gopichand, had two sons. Once, he was traveling in a train along with his wife. He had written to his sons asking them to meet him and his wife at the station. Both the sons came to the station accordingly. The eldest one did namaskara [salutation] to both the parents and enquired about their journey and welfare. The second son, on the other hand, did not greet them at all. His attitude to his father was rather arrogant. After some time, Gopichand said to his wife, “See! How our elder son greeted us and made enquiries, while the younger one did not!” His wife, then, said, “Don’t find fault with the second one like that. After all, he is young. He will change as he grows older. Don’t be angry with him.”

Years passed. The eldest son who prostrated to his parents became a judge in a court, and was honored by all. The second son got the job of a peon in the same court, and had to greet everyone, with folded hands! This is the difference. Those who respect their parents will be respected by all. The one who doesn’t, will not be respected by anyone.

The very same lesson is taught in our epics. In the Mahabharata, at the end of the battle of Kurukshetra when all the Kauravas died, and Queen Gandhari, wife of the blind king, Dhritarashtra, started blaming Krishna. She said, “Oh Krishna! You are very partial to the Pandavas. Now that my sons have all died in battle, are you happy?” Then, Krishna replied, “See, Gandhari! Did you ever see your sons with your own eyes? (Gandhari blindfolded herself to be like her husband who was born blind). Did they at any point of time pay heed to your words of counsel? How do you expect them to be blessed by God when their own mother never cast a glance at them? How do you expect them to be the recipients of God’s love and mercy?”

The same teaching can be found in the Ramayana as well. The twin brothers Kusa and Lava [sons of Rama and Sita] could fight Lord Sri Ramchandra with all their valor and might. Why and how? The reason is, Lava and Kusa enjoyed the blessings of their mother Sita, and as a result, they could heroically face Lord Sri Ramchandra, their father. That is the power inherent in the blessings of parents.

All must serve their parents. You need their blessings all the time. You know what your parents like, you know what to do to please them, and you know that you have been with them since you were born. If you can’t please them, how do you expect to please God who you have never seen, nor know what He wants you to do, and what you ought to do? Parents are divine.

Source: Prasnopnishad, Vol. 2