‘His’ First Step, ‘His’ Hundred Steps

Swami says, “If you take one step toward Me, I will take a hundred toward you.”

One of the most memorable and cherished experiences that one can ever have with Bhagavan is how He first enters our lives and draws us toward Him. This is my story of how the Lord took me into His Divine fold and changed my life. I was not chosen by Bhagavan to join His educational institution when I tried for admission in the 11th standard for reasons He knows best. So, after two years I applied for the Undergraduate program of Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning. This time the call letter for the admission test arrived but left me in a dilemma.

I had applied for another entrance examination as well in my place and found that the test dates were scheduled on successive days in June. The examination centers were Puttaparthi and Darjeeling respectively, almost 2,000 kilometers apart, so I had to choose only one test to write.

My parents have always encouraged me to make my own decisions and this time, too, they let me decide. I was in a fix because selecting one option would be deserting the other, and there was no guarantee of getting admission in both cases. Also, back then even though everyone in my family were Sai devotees, Swami was not so much a part of my life as He is now. My mother saw my confused state and told me that it was up to me to choose, but the opportunity of getting admitted to Bhagavan’s College was not an ordinary one. She told me that I could get an education anywhere but finding a place where God resides and values are imparted was rare.

Needless to say, I took her advice and when I look back now at that moment four years later, it was the most important advice I have ever received. However, carrying the choice was still not as easy as it seems. “Test is My taste”, says the Lord and He was true to His words, for what followed was His difficult test of the decision of coming to Him. All these so called ‘plans’ of mine to come to write the admission test in Puttaparthi was made in mid-April of 2011 and just a few days later the unexpected happened, as Bhagavan left His physical body.

After recovering from the initial shock of the news, doubts slowly began to surface in my mind as to whether I should consider changing my plans. ‘Would things still be the same there?’ ‘Would I even make it through the test, forget about the interview?’ were the thoughts that I was having. More importantly the main question was, ‘Was He still there in Puttaparthi?’

However, in this moment of chaos, a small voice inside me kept saying that it was a decision made for Him and changing my decision would be turning my back to Swami. So, gathering all my faith and trust in Him, and leaving it to His Will, my father and I left for Puttaparthi. After arriving at Puttaparthi I felt at home. Even though the physical frame of the Lord was not present, His Divine presence still lingered on. I had visited Puttaparthi once before with my parents, but I was very small at that time. Now, after going around the place and looking at the institutions, I wanted to study here even more and my prayers to Swami became more intense.

The day of the entrance test finally arrived and I the found that except English, the rest of the papers were quite tough, especially the Chemistry section, which was definitely not my forte. I was halfway through with my paper when I realized that some boys had already finished and were leaving, too. This scared me at first but there was still time left and I managed to complete on time.

When I returned to the room, my father asked how I had written, and I managed a weak “Good” as I wasn’t sure whether I would make it or not. The results were to be put up the next morning at 4.00 a.m., and considering the odds stacked against me I did not feel so confident of finding my name there, even as my father insisted we go and check the next morning. I offered a prayer to Swami that night with a heavy heart and went to sleep.

I had a very strange dream the next morning. In the dream I found myself in the South Indian canteen, and funny as it seems the names of the selected candidates were supposed to be put up on the wall there! I saw two boards with lists of names on the wall and then searched for my name (much later I discovered that Swami’s photos were hung there). It was not there! Even in the dream I felt immense sadness as my hopes or rather my faith was slowing crashing down. I would have even cried, but then I saw an old South Indian ‘Amma’ (mother) in a sari walk toward me.

The entire canteen was empty except the two of us, and I could see that she was short-statured with white hair. She asked me lovingly as to what happened, and I confided my disappointment to her. She asked me my name and looked at the board as I stared down at my feet completely broken. Suddenly she took something in her hand (which looked like a metal spatula with a long, thin handle) and pointed out my name. “Here it is son… the spelling is wrong, that’s all,” she said smiling.

To my utter amazement, I looked up to find my name there on the same list I had gone over thoroughly, with my surname comprising three alphabets spelt wrong. It was typed ‘Vivek Rui’ instead of ‘Vivek Rai’, a ‘huge’ spelling error for me to have overlooked but for the Master’s maya! The feeling of happiness and relief had just begun to sink in when suddenly my father woke me up at 4.30 a.m., having returned after checking the selected names.

“Well done, son, you’re selected,” he said to me as I opened my eyes and I replied with a smile on my face, “I know Papa,” and hugged him. The successful interview and my admission into His College that followed were smooth like a breeze for I knew that He had already chosen me as His own. His test was over for the time being with others to follow in Brindavan campus where I did my undergraduate course.

More than four years after being taken by Him into His Divine haven of love and care, experiencing His benevolence in a myriad forms and instances in Brindavan and Puttaparthi, all I can say is that He is forever with us, guiding and guarding like our mother. As I look back, I realize how my dear Sai Amma took those steps toward me, first through my physical mother and then (someone pointed to me the obvious fact on sharing my experience of the ‘South Indian Canteen dream’) through the form of His own physical mother.

I can only conclude that even the ‘apparent’ first step of ours that we take toward Him is in fact actually His own, just unseen and unrecognized by us. As an offering of my gratitude and love to You on the occasion of the 90th year of Your advent, Swami, please accept this small piece of those priceless experiences that You have granted me.

~Vivek Rai
Source: Sai Nandana 2015 (90th Birthday Offering)