Sai—My Everything
Srinivas is currently a Doctoral Research Scholar in the Faculty of Business Management & Commerce at the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning, Prasanthi Nilayam Campus.
It is beyond my ability to write about Bhagavan Sri Sathya Sai Baba, since words fail miserably to portray His glory. Sai, the name itself fills our heart with immense joy, confidence, and happiness. Surrendering my ego and knowledge at His Lotus Feet, let me pen down the story of my journey to Sai.
It was in the year 1998 that I came to know about Shirdi Sai Baba when we were staying in Sambalpur, a town in the western part of Odisha. On every Thursday, my mother used to make prasadam [food offering] at home and she would ask me to offer it in a Sai Baba temple that was two kilometers away from my house. With great difficulty, managing the prasadam box on one side of the cycle’s handle and pushing the cycle pedal I used to go on a road full of pits and stones. It continued for years. Something in the temple made me happy and comfortable.
A few years later we shifted our house near that temple, and on every other day I used to go and spend my time there, while my classmates would be playing outside in the fields and on the playground. I read Shri Sai Satcharitra in the year 2007 during my under graduation, when I was staying at a hostel in Visakhapatnam. Whenever I read it, I was filled with sadness and grief. I used to consider myself unlucky in comparison with those people who moved and lived with Sai Baba of Shirdi at Dwarakamayi.
Meanwhile my parents shifted to Visakhapatnam. One day my sister told me about a satsang [company of seekers of truth] near our house where Bhagavan Sri Sathya Sai Baba used to show His presence by performing many leelas [Divine plays]. I went there to see the leelas of Bhagavan. I was told that we could keep prasadam or anything for blessings there. I was preparing for my chartered accountancy examinations at that time. I went with my admission card and placed it at the altar for blessings. Vibhuti [sacred ash] appeared on my card and the devotees told me that Swami had blessed it.
I felt good about it and came back. I thought that since Swami had blessed it, I would pass the examination in flying colors. But the reverse happened. So this center to me was just another place for bhajans [devotional singing] and service activities. My mother was a regular participant in bhajans and service activities there. Every morning she used to wake me up singing some bhajan that irritated me a lot. But I would keep quiet and never said anything to her. I had a big gang of friends in the year 2009. We used to go to every movie in the city and roam around. Since my parents were very particular about timings, I used to do all this during my college time, i.e. from 8.00 am to 2.00 pm.
It was in the very same year I secured top marks in the university accountancy examination. I still wonder today at this. My so-called best friends doubted that I had manipulated something in the examination and obtained high marks. I started keeping distance from them, because differences of opinion made them doubt me even more.
It was during that period after finishing my under-graduation final examinations, I used to participate in satsang and Narayan Seva [feeding service] conducted in a Sai center there. I felt very happy and thought of continuing these Seva activities. One day I felt deeply disgusted with the scandals propagated by my friends. So I went to attend the satsang conducted in the Sai Center and prayed to Swami that He should help me. I also prayed to Bhagavan to keep me away from my friends. I further prayed that Swami should become my only friend. The very next day, I got calls from my friends one after another telling me that they did not want to continue their friendship with me.
I wonder even to this day what had made my friends discontinue their friendship with me overnight. From that day till today, Swami has been helping me in many ways, day-in and day-out. I slowly started developing a bond with Swami. Since I had no friends, Bhagavan became everything for me. His name was always in my heart, mind, and on my lips. He would also respond and reciprocate in numerous ways. Whenever I thought of Him, a big picture of His would appear on a hoarding, or on an auto-rickshaw.
At times I would feel His touch on my shoulder while riding the bike. At times I would see Him on a branch of a tree, and He would suddenly disappear. For some time, I thought that I was imagining or hallucinating. Either way I was happy.
On introspection, I learnt many things about Swami. Swami says, “Test is My taste.”
Initially, He encourages us to get closer to Him and tests us. We learn many things during this period and thus become wiser. We can pass Bhagavan’s test if we cultivate the spirit of surrender. The feeling of anyatha sharanam nasthi [other than You there is no refuge] is a source of immense strength and peace. Renouncing the feeling of the doer-ship and resigning oneself to His Will cements our bond with Him.
What I have learned being with Swami is to never question Him. When we do not know what is going to happen in the next moment, how can we question the One who knows the past, the present, and the future of everyone and everything? We can ask but not question. Acceptance of His sankalpa [Divine will] and abiding by it is a source of infinite strength. He is not interested in our failure or success. He is not interested in what failure or success does to us. He is interested in our progress. His love for us is unique. I always pray to Him that till the last breath of my life His name alone should be on my tongue, His thoughts alone should be in my mind, His image alone should be in my eyes, and His words alone should be in my ears. lf coming to Swami is one achievement, then continuously being with Him and in Him is the real achievement. His grace alone can help us achieve this. Let us all live in Sai. Let us all live for Sai.
~By K. J. Srinivas
Source: Sai Nandana 2015 (90th Birthday Offering)
