Love and Silence
Love is the most direct way to God: love of God and love of all beings. Every human being feels love in some form or in some way. Why then are so many caught in a labyrinth, trying to find the way, or just are unhappy, not even aware that here is a way?
The essence of love is giving. The one real thing any of us can give is ourselves. And this is where the problem lies. Most love between people is an exclusive, possessive type of love. It is not unselfish giving but is anxiously waiting for return. Even well-meaning people often deep down consider love as a kind of an investment. We love now and will reap the benefits later…. This is particularly prevalent in the relationship between parents and children. Little wonder that the children brought up with this won’t give love unselfishly either. Love is often carefully portioned, as if there was only a finite amount of it for distribution. This applies even more to the return of what we feel is our due. We expect that return and want it to be exclusively ours. The whole situation is like trying to read fine print by candlelight, when the sun is shining outside.
To ensure and preserve the feelings of others, we strive to “own” them. We try to manipulate them, often by evoking guilt, so they give us what we erroneously conceive is their love. This only leads to great anxiety and unhappiness. And it forms binding karma too.
Why do we do this? It is because of fear and insecurity. Most of us certainly don’t stand securely on the ground. As Swami said, “There are three selves. The one we think we are, the one others think we are, and the one we really are.” Our self-image is poor. We want to gain confidence by seeing ourselves through the mirror of others, through their affection for us. We are unable to stand on our own feet, so we use the love of others as a crutch.
How to stand straight? How to gain self-confidence? First, we must begin to see ourselves the way we really are. Then, we must be able to accept the truth. Each of us should spend some time alone in silence. It is then that we meet real self. At first it is not easy. This is one reason why people are afraid to be alone and quiet. But it is in silence that we can realize that we are loved, loved by God far beyond what any human can give us. No matter what happens, that Love will always be there. We can close the shutters of our window to the sunlight. We can turn off our ability to feel this Love. The sun will keep on shining, but with shutters closed, the room stays dark and cold. Many people keep the shutters closed all the time and most of us do so some of the time.
But in the quiet calm of that silence, we can find the way to open ourselves to Divine Love, and in its warmth we feel more secure. This Love will not be a crutch. Nurtured by it we can stand securely on our own feet, and receiving it we will have the courage to love selflessly, without thought about the return.
And then we will also understand and realize that Love is not a finite quantity to be rationed out. It is infinite, freely given and received, all radiating from the one Source.
~Peter Hacker
Source: Sanathana Sarathi, March 1981
