A Kidney Stone at Prasanthi
The author has been a devotee of Swami since 1985, has written two spiritual books blessed by Swami, composed several English bhajans [devotional songs], and is currently a member of the Sai Center of Glastonbury, Connecticut. He is the Devotional Coordinator for the Northeast Sai Region.
My wife Patty prepared a magnificent Thanksgiving Dinner, from a faux turkey made of mushrooms and smothered in mushroom gravy to a fruit and cornbread stuffing, green beans, mashed potato, squash cooked in maple syrup, and Brussels sprouts covered with salt, pepper, and olive oil and baked black in the oven. For dessert there was apple pie, pumpkin pie, and tiramisu. A feast of delightful color, aroma, and flavor decorated the serving table, calling to our senses of sight, smell, and taste. As I overloaded my plate, I noticed that not everyone was choosing the blackened Brussels sprouts; not everyone was sampling the sweet orange squash; and some ignored the fruit and cornbread stuffing. “Why? Why this selectivity,” I asked myself?
Because, I realized, that no one thing, no material thing in this world of duality makes everyone happy. Some, like me, love chocolate; some would rather have strawberries, and others crave caramel. No particular flavor satisfies all palates all the time. No one particular taste makes everyone happy. And we want to be happy.
As dinner progressed, I asked our guests if they would like seconds or refills of the food that they had enjoyed. Most of the diners politely refused saying that they “were stuffed and couldn’t eat another thing.” Why? Why were they not willing to have more of what they had originally ladled liberally on to their plate and so obviously savored?
Because, I realized, that nothing in the outside material world is the same to us all the time. The food that my guests eyed so hungrily before the meal was almost repugnant to them when their stomachs were filled and bulging over their belt buckles. Eating more can be painful and doesn’t make us happy. And we want to be happy.
The lesson for me is that things outside of me may satisfy me and make me smile or not. What brings me pleasure at this moment may not satisfy me the next. The material world is always changing. Nothing remains tomorrow as it is today. Therefore, I can’t rely on the appearance of material things as real. What “seems to be” can’t be relied on all the time. To find what is real and can be relied on as permanently real all the time, I need to look elsewhere. The question is: Where can I find true reality? Where can I find what is true? Where can I find that which never changes?
It is the central core of Sathya Sai Baba’s teaching that truth can only be found in our heart of hearts. Our search outside of ourselves has proved futile. It is time to look deep inside.
“You have to feel that all the attributes of the Lord must manifest themselves in you. Affirm to yourself: ‘The broadmindedness of the Lord is within me. All the selfless feelings of the Lord are within me. The unbounded love of the Lord is within me.’ When you faithfully live this conviction then you eventually attain the realization that you and He are one. Then there is perfect unity.” Sai Baba Gita, p. 46
Do we get that? We must affirm that “perfect unity” is within us. When we realize that, we find that we are the one truth: We and Sai and God are One! That truth never changes.
Let me tell you a story. In July of this year, Patty and I were able to piggy-back a two and one-half day pilgrimage to Swami at Prasanthi Nilayam [His residence in South India] on to a business trip to Dubai. It was my intent to go to Baba to thank Him for the good news that my six-year-old grandson had tested cancer-free after about 18 months of chemotherapy, radiation, and fear. On the first night after darshan [sight of a holy man], I developed a pain in my side so unbearable that I rushed in the middle of the night to the ashram’s General Hospital where I awakened the doctor on call with a plea to be relieved of the ache that was bringing me to tears. She diagnosed a kidney stone, one of the most painful conditions a body can experience. She immediately gave me a shot to relieve the terrible pain.
I was able to sleep the rest of the night and was fine through darshan the next afternoon. Around 8 p.m. the pain returned. The doctor at the General Hospital was unable to give me another shot so soon after the first one. I returned to my room, but about 11 p.m. the pain was overwhelming. I got up and dressed for a return to the hospital. As I did so, I thought, “Baba, why are You allowing this? I have come all the way to India with only three opportunities for darshan. This is not right!” Instantly, the pain was gone! I stood unmoving and incredulous, in the middle of my room. A split second before, I thought I was dying and suddenly the pain was gone! All was normal! I was shocked.
After a few minutes, I undressed carefully, afraid to jar the pain back into existence, sat on my bed gingerly, and then slowly raised my legs on to the bed and lay down. Again, I slept well. The following day, I was able to sit in Sai Kulwant Hall in meditation without discomfort. Baba had heard my prayer that night and relieved my pain.
After darshan, the pain slowly reappeared. Patty brought me to Baba’s super specialty hospital where a kidney stone problem was confirmed. I was given medication and medical instruction designed to allow me to leave Prasanthi after the afternoon darshan for our return to the States. And so, on that short pilgrimage to the Avatar, I never missed a darshan and fulfilled my intention of offering my gratitude to Baba for my grandson’s recovery.
Okay, what has all that have to do with going within in order to find truth, you might ask. Baba has said that He is above us, below us, in front of us, behind us, around us, and in our hearts. The Divine consciousness that enlivens Baba is everywhere and it is in us! Think of my story. When I grumbled to Baba about the unfairness of missing darshan, whom was I talking to? Where was Baba’s physical form? It certainly wasn’t in my room. So when I was complaining to Him, where was He? How did He hear me? The answer for me is that “He,” the Divine consciousness that enlivens the physical form of Sathya Sai Baba, was everywhere in that room, in my mind, and my heart. That divine consciousness is my deepest reality. Your deepest reality! When we pray, as I did that night in my room, my little mind was talking to the One! To the Divine consciousness that is everywhere, that is in me and in fact, is me because It, Sai and I are One.
Although my intent to offer gratitude during my two and one-half day pilgrimage to the Avatar was good and based in love, I realize now that I didn’t have to go anywhere. If I had just sat at home and offered my gratitude sincerely in the Sai-lence of my own prayer room, my prayer would have reached Baba, who is the Divine indweller that enlivens me and enlivens the physical form of the Avatar. That is the truth we are striving to know and experience! We are one with the Divine consciousness. It hears our prayers because we are “It!” We are Om Tat Sat Om! That which is! That truth does not change. That truth is constant, real, and all pervasive. And knowing that, and experiencing that, makes us “Happy!” We are never alone. We are never separate. We are all One with each other, Sai, and God.
Baba calls us to “be happy!’ When we acknowledge our Divine essence and realize that we are that Divine consciousness, we are able to experience that holy, sublime happiness! That is the truth!! Sai Ram!
“… there is only you, the One immortal Self, abiding everywhere, present in everything in all its fullness.” Baba Gita, Atma Press, 1993, American edition, Page 74
~Charles Di Fazio, New York, USA
