My Story—The Silver Door
On certain festive occasions Baba used to give darshans from the silver door on top of the Mandir. Following is a description of one such darshan.
Part One: On the way
I’m making my way slowly through the town and the pavement is very hot in the early morning. Inside I am singing within my heart to my Lord Sai Baba whom I love, His song, “Manasa Bhajare Guru Charanam” [‘O mind, worship the feet of the guru’].
I am thinking how happy I am, independent as a person who walks, instead of riding in a machine also driven by men because when they are driving they must concentrate on the road ahead. They cannot look at other things such as the sun rising, or the sunset, or the banks of cloud shapes… just a strip of pavement. But I am free and not a prisoner of the car and if I want to I can turn and go back at any time.
So I coast along at my own rate and feel bliss. I can see something of the world and even though it exists in my head, it is all my own within, and also I can worship as I do, on the way, the form of the One I love, who made me whole and gave me peace and love. I feel the breeze on my face and I sing and I keep all the things of His in my heart. And I am flying without fear. I was not always thus, no… Once I stood outside the door and was forlorn and lost and lonely. Baba was that door and I waited for someone to come and open the door.
Part Two: My Vision
I seem to be standing in front of a beautiful temple and the most astounding thing about it is a silver door with all the symbols of all the religions. Now I can say what the vision was that I saw some years ago. Here I am waiting breathlessly in front of that door, with hundreds of thousands of people around also waiting. The silence is immense and even the birds fly noiselessly and perch on the trees in hushed silence awaiting something in great expectancy. Their silhouettes stand transfixed …not a sound is heard, as if the world has stopped for the moment. My whole self is beginning to vibrate with the tension of those few minutes. I am afraid to close my eyes for fear of missing something, as I keep my gaze upon the Silver Door. And I say to myself, “O be still my heart,” as its beats are too loud, and so as not to miss the sight of my beautiful and wondrous Lord.
The sun has not even shown a slight sliver of gold, and time seems suspended for just a moment. If I shut my eyes I see the dear Lord’s form, but I am trying to keep them open so as not to lose that first sight. I count the seconds on my japamala [prayer beads] that I hold in my hand; the 108 beads will be but a moment or two. Has He gone away? Has something happened? Or is this all an illusion, and the Lord who is all light will not be there? Is it really true?
Then the Silver Door swings wide open, and in front of it, shining in a bright gleam of light with a golden halo around His hair and the shining red fluorescence of His robe, like the sun as it rises in the morning—there He is!
There He stands, and a glance comes from His beautiful soft eyes and He raises His hand slowly and gives the sign of blessing to all. His voice is like a flute undulating and soaring, and sweet starts the song as He stands in a glow of heavenly light. The birds circle all around singing their best to the Lord, and with the early streaks of the sunlight even the trees shake their leaves in ecstasy toward Him. The birds are still circling, all the while singing their hearts out to Him. The sun has come out of the black night, as if it, too, was paying homage to Him. All nature seems to be singing in praise to the dear One. He lifts up His hands slowly and seems to lift the hearts of all to the consciousness of God. Am I crying for joy? Or sorrow—because of the agony I know He has suffered in silence for us all? And for the ones who have kept Him in agony, by disbelieving Him and going against His precepts? However, He says He loves all whether they love Him or not.
Then I noticed a difference in His hair, as it seemed to me a crown of thorns appeared to be sitting upon His head. But He still is smiling. He started to look very stern, and in a moment He took off the crown and it was all flowers that He picked off one by one and threw down to all the people below. I tried to pick one up, but it was gone to someone else. Then I looked up and saw t o the side of Baba a dragon‑like thing standing over Him in a menacing attitude, seeming to be whispering into His ear. But then a dazzling flame came out from between Baba’s eyes and the terrible thing was nothing but smoke and ashes and disappeared. Perhaps I was the only one who saw it. My Lord’s voice came out in clear strong accents as He sang to us. Then after the darshan [sight of a holy person] was ended, He turned and with a last farewell of His hands high in the air, He went back behind the Silver Door.
Peace and contentment came over me and I was immersed in a state of happiness that I never had known before. As the tears came from my eyes and rolled down my cheeks, I thought of how filled with love for us He was and how if I were to die right then, I would be so overcome with joy that I would be deliriously happy anyway.
For that brief time when He looked down so lovingly and compassionately at us who had waited in the dawn, so intimately at each and every one, the place seemed to be electrified with His love. And the children singing in joyous tones the bhajans [songs] that He taught them also were filled with love.
Was this a vision or was it real? Is it all maya [illusion]? Whatever it was, I am always in a state of bliss and don’t know or seem to care for anything except to live as though He were here beside me. I thought, “For Him I have surrendered my life and I know that He will never forsake me nor ever leave me alone.” He is mine and I am His, forever and ever… Om Namah Sivaya…
~Genevieve Savoroff
Source: Sanathana Sarathi, January 1977
