Who is He and Who Am I?

Having seen people bowing and touching Swami’s feet, I thought this custom of respect was one that I should follow. So, I went to do the same. Swami asked, “What are you doing?” I didn’t really know. He said, “Get up!” So, I stood up, feeling I’d done something wrong.

Swami consoled me lovingly. “No, no. That body is mine, and this body (pointing to Himself) is yours. No difference. One body. One.” He pointed again to Himself. “In this body, no entity.” I interpreted entity to be personality; feeling of duality; desires for the world; possessions; attachments; the feeling that I am the body, the emotions, the ego. So, if there was none of that in Him, which is what He was telling me, then, I thought, there’s nobody home! I was standing in front of a hologram. And as I had that thought, Swami said, “Yes” Then who was standing in front of me?

Next, He asked, “You want to be guru (teacher)?” I said, “Guru, Swami?” He said, “Oh, you’re already guru.” As He spoke, I was aware of another level of understanding in me. I was receiving His verbal messages and non-verbal communication, intuition, sometimes with dual meanings. But I wasn’t thinking it! When He said, “You’re already guru,” I simultaneously heard, “You’ve already played the guru ego trip in past life.” and “There’s only one guru and you’re It. Everyone and everything is It.” So, who was standing in front of me? Everyone and everything!

He asked, “You want to know how to materialize?” It’s easy. I’ll teach you. All you have to do is control the mind. Meditate, meditate, meditate. Easy, you can do it. Picture the object, size, weight, shape, color, density. Every detail.” He held His hand out in front of me. “Hold that image for a moment and focus your will power into it.” He turned His hand over so I could see this pool of clear oil form in the palm of His hand. Then He looked at me and said that I had a mistake in my body. I wondered what that was. Swami’s timing was perfect as He would wait for me to finish a thought or feeling and then would immediately respond as if I had physically asked a question. “Digestion problem, burning, makes funny noise sometimes.” Then it hit me that for the past year, after eating I would have this unsettled feeling in my stomach. Things weren’t digesting properly, and I would feel a burning, gurgling sensation. He rubbed the oil on my solar plexus saying, “Swami fix. No more problem. Any time you call Swami, any time you think of Swami, I will come give you darshan.” As I was thinking, Really? He responded, “Yes!” A

Next, He held open His arms and gave me a hug. He said, “Swami is your pleasure. Good Luck Day. Golden Opportunity. Meditate, meditate, meditate.” While hugging him, I remembered a profound experience where I’d left my body and merged into white light, and I felt I could just merge into this nonentity space. Then a thought crossed my mind: What am I doing hugging Swami? As soon as I had that thought, Swami pulled back and said, “Does Swami frighten you?” I said, “No, Swami.” He said, “Oh, good.” And He hugged me again. I felt so much bliss. I just wanted to lay down, hang on to His feet, and let the world go away He lifted His robe without me of saying anything, and I went down and held on to His feet. I closed my eyes and drifted until I felt this gentle patting on my back and heard Swami saying, “Very happy, very happy.” After He left I could hear a bird singing outside. It felt as if the song was traveling right through the wall and through my body. It was omni-phonic sound, everywhere! The peace that I felt was unmatched by anything I’d ever felt before.

Everyone of us is sharing the same dream. If a person says, “Oh I’ve known Sai Baba for 30 years,” what does that mean? Or, “Oh I’ve only just met Sai Baba, I’m just a nobody.” We’re all nobodies. Swami’s a nobody! He told me, “No entity.” There’s nobody home! It’s a dream. When you’re napping and having a dream, you don’t decide when to wake up. You just do. Well, there aren’t any rules that say you have to dream for so long, or you have to go to so many retreats, or it takes “x” number of trips to India. It’s not about who Sai Baba is. It’s about who you are.

And the reason that we are all here is to remember. Swami has said over and over that our basic nature is happiness, bliss, consciousness. He says, “When someone is happy, we don’t inquire what’s wrong with them.” It’s when they’re unhappy or sick that we inquire. So, you’re in this really great dream, and as you see people, look for the significance that the experience has to offer you. Look for the symbolism of your awakening. Even the most difficult situations are easy to endure when we become the watcher. Swami is constantly telling us, “You’re not the body.”

Many stories tell of Swami knowing the results of actions before we even make the first decisions. So, who is really living the dream? A friend once asked Swami, “Do we have any free will?” Swami said, “Not really. But you’re supposed to act as if you do.” When we are the witness, there’s a certain attitude and energy with which we act, and we can feel the flow of life’s blessings. But remember to watch, to step back, to be the Witness of the dream. When you are conscious of yourself in the dream and you’re aware of yourself dreaming, you are in two places at once. Swami proved to me the very first time I met Him that He knew the dream I’d had in the United States. It is no different for us. Swami says, “You are God. You are the God of this universe; you are creating the whole universe and drawing it in.” The only one holding us back from that realization is ourselves. Let’s live as God. Let’s be conscious of the dream. Let’s keep our focus on love and the awakening. There’s a place in our being where we can step back and watch. Enjoy the show.

Swami says, “Let your thoughts go where they want, only don’t go with them.” Any time we catch ourselves attached, in the middle of a heated argument, or in rush hour in New York traffic, or whatever, if we can just sit back and remember it’s a dream, we can live as conscious beings of light. I say, “Let’s take the whole plunge!”

Sai Ram