Two Experiences at Swami’s Ashram

The following excerpts were taken from two talks given by devotees after visits to Puttaparthi.

Love Within, Illusion Without

The most remarkable feature of my most recent trip to Swami was the overwhelming love I felt from Him. Typically on visits, I start off feeling happy, perceiving “the glass half full.” Later on, I begin to see the glass as half empty. During one visit, for example, my husband sat on the verandah and later described the lovely looks he got from Swami and the words Swami spoke to him. That made me feel neglected, ignored, and depressed. In retrospect, I realize that Swami was holding me close while He took me to an emotional place I might not have survived without Him. But at the time, feeling rejected myself, I began to reject Him. I thought: Maybe I won’t even go to darshan. But I soon saw that when one rejects God, the universe holds no comfort. I felt as if I had entered a black hole. I felt rejection everywhere. My daily life began to reflect my mood: if I waited in line to make purchases, the items would sell out just as it was my turn to buy them.

Through Swami’s grace, the state gradually passed. On a visit to the hospital, I felt great love; I wrote a letter of gratitude to Swami and He made a beeline to me and took my letter. On the last day of that trip, my husband asked Swami for vibhuti (holy ash). Swami replied, “Yes, yes, yes,” but didn’t give him any. At the same time, a woman next to me was called for an interview. When she returned, she gave me three packets of vibhuti. Back in our room, I gave it to my husband. “Here it is,” I said. I felt happy and loved again.

At the beginning of our most recent trip, Swami did not look at me, but I was able to maintain equanimity. I felt grateful just to be at the ashram. But one morning, the feeling of rejection descended on me and I decided not to attend bhajans. I went into a shop to get a cheese and tomato toast and I was served a very small piece. I ordered another, hoping it would be larger. But it wasn’t. I knew at once that I was entering a familiar place – a place I didn’t want to be. As I left the shop, I saw a woman clearing a garbage bin and suddenly I felt humbled. I reflected on all I have to be grateful for. I returned to bhajans and felt a rush of gratitude and love. Afterwards I was lucky enough to see Swami leave His residence. As His car passed slowly by me, He looked my way and I felt I made eye contact with Him. But what really happened was that He had looked at my heart. I could feel His gaze go through it. Even now when I recall the moment, my heart wells up.

The lesson I learned was that we project experiences on the world and on Swami. We have it within ourselves to come to terms with such feelings and to know that Swami is always there for us, always loves us. We need to keep reaching out to Him and feeling Him within.

If I reflect deeply, I know that even when He seems to be ignoring us, He has a reason. With that lesson in mind, I can feel His love overwhelming me. The following quotation summarizes my experience. “As far as I am concerned, only one rule binds you to me: the rule of love. That love will inspire you, quiet you, and comfort you. Let your love flow into the hearts of others. Stagnant water becomes foul; flowing waters are cool and limpid. Love is bliss. Love is power. Love is light. Love is God.”

Again on the last day of our trip, the woman sitting next to me was called in for an interview. When she returned, she shared four packets of vibhuti. It may be easier to perceive that Swami orchestrates everything when we are near His physical form, but in reality, Swami is ever with us. He knows everything about us, orchestrates everything, and loves us all.

~Annie Omens

Our Eternally Bountiful Lord

We are so fortunate to live at the same time the Lord has incarnated on earth. He offers us the opportunity to be with Him. During Krishna’s time, not everyone knew He was an avatar. Today, most know that the Lord is here; all have access to Him. In olden days, sages had to perform penance for centuries before they got darshan of the Lord. Today, we simply pray for permission, then we can go and have darshan.

Often when we devotees return from a trip to Puttaparthi, we measure the trip’s value by whether or not we had an interview. Did Swami talk to us? Did we get padanamaskar? Knowing that, I had a heart-to-heart conversation with Him before leaving for the ashram. Wherever we are, Swami makes possible a heart connection with Him. The message I received from Him was to enjoy myself – to focus on the joy and bliss of being in His presence in Puttaparthi.

Before the trip, I didn’t even think about the financial aspects. But Swami did. An unexpected check arrived from my company in the exact amount of the ticket. Other matters were taken care of. I had reserved a window seat but I found someone else sitting there. The stewardess escorted me to a bulkhead seat with lots more leg-room and offered to place my large carry-on bag in the front of the plane, out of my way.

A journey to Swami is a journey within. The trip is not about money and airplanes; rather, it is heart-to-heart. We should go as empty vessels so He can fill us to the brim with His love. His love flows out of us as joy. True, disheartening things can occur during trips to Swami. At such times, we need to remember that He is with us and can fill our hearts with joy.

In preparation for this particular visit, I collected photographs of people at the center. Many young adults and children from the Sai Spiritual Education program wrote beautiful letters to Swami and sent them along with me. In darshan line I prayed that Swami would bless them. At the first darshan, I got front row and as He came by, I stood on my knees and offered Him the stack of letters. But when I saw His beautiful face, I was so dumbfounded that I forgot the sentence I had prepared to say to Him. He blessed the letters and then gave vibhuti to someone sitting next to me. I got a pinch of it from him.

During a previous trip, I wrote a letter to Swami asking to teach in his college after I completed my studies. This year, when I went to the computer science department, the teacher asked me to come and speak to students everyday. The experience was wonderful. One day, while the students sat waiting for the teacher to arrive, Swami talked to them. When the professor entered, Swami rose along with boys. When the students sat down, Swami also sat down.

The first morning after returning home, I dreamed that Swami gave me padanamaskar. I touched his feet for a long time. Eventually He said, “Enough, enough!” I was moved to tears, for even without our asking, He gives us so much. Sometimes we get caught in the illusion and forget to perceive and appreciate His bounties.

~Srinivas