From the Poison of Materialism to the Experience of God Within
Kishore Y Madhamshettiwar was a student from 1987-1989 and from 1989-2003 he became a faculty member of Management and Commerce, Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning at Prasanthi Nilayam Campus
I was brought up in a society that believes in God. My parents took a keen interest in my overall development to be a good man. I was dependent on them to the age of 20 and started earning at the age of 21. Only then did I understand how difficult it is to make a living. At every difficult moment it seemed that God, in the photographs and at the altars, responded to my prayers. By age 27 He answered my prayers and showered all the professional and material bounties.
A day came when I thought that I could do everything on my own. However, that thought could not materialize. In an extremely perplexed condition, I ran to the temples of the holy cities of Banaras and Tirupati. During this time I came across a book entitled ‘Vision of the Divine’ written by Dr. Fanibunda. It actually opened my vision to an entirely different world.
The following quotations in this book brought two significant truths to my rapt attention:
- If someone wants to see and feel what God is, let him come to Puttaparthi.
- Do not give up, under all circumstances hand over your burdens to Me. I will shower on you the gift of eternal happiness for having trusted Me as your father. It is My duty to see that you remain happy when you truly surrender for this gift.
In January 1987, I packed my bags and moved from ashanti [my work and the state of my mind] to Prasanthi [Prasanthi Nilayam and my present state of mind—a rare gift of Bhagavan Baba]. Just at the first sight I was fully convinced that no outside agency was needed to say that Baba is God—my inner motivator, my lost identity, and my goal. On the very first day, I could be at His lotus feet and reach out to and touch them while He waited very patiently. He also found a gap between the devotee’s hands and blessed my vibhuti [holy ash] packet. I felt ‘Yes’. I can rely on Him for everything in my life.
I would hold His photograph in my hand and try to match the attributes of God in my heart and mind with those present in His photograph. As time passed by, an inner familiarity developed. Though I was facing many problems in my life and was very restless, something subtly reassured me that this sweet Lord would lift me to the heights of realization.
Three years ago, I was scared to mention my feelings openly as I thought people would laugh at me. I am now convinced that He was definitely taking me away from my senses. I continued to pray to Bhagavan to accept me as His student in the MBA course. He granted my prayer. During the initial six months, it seemed as if I was in a workshop. I was stripped of my executive ego and made to put up in the simple but vibrant way of living in His Hostel. I prayed to the loving God to give me strength to hold on to His feet. I felt miserable when I knew God was showering all His mercy but I did not possess even a little bit of good in me. There was only one thing to pray for, even under these circumstances, and that was ‘to raise me to my divine nature.’ Bhagavan’s Institute has a word ‘higher’. It means that by staying with Him and receiving education in His Institute, if one desires one will be equipped with all that is needed to inquire into Atma [universal spirit] and become ‘That’. This was the meaning I derived as a student of His Institute.
Now I was determined to face anything and follow the discipline as mentioned by Bhagavan for a student. God saves those who follow Him. I would like to share two experiences to highlight how Lord Sai saved me. He not only made me to continue my journey in this body but moved me nearer to my immortal Self.
It was December 1988, I was studying till midnight. Because of the strain and change in weather, I was suffering from a cough. That night at 2 a.m. I got up with a shock for it was very hard to breathe due to severe chest congestion. I was restless. Somehow I managed to get near Bhagavan’s photograph in my cupboard and held it in my hands.
Mentally I prayed to Bhagavan, ‘Baba, if you want I should live for Your cause, then let me live properly and if You want I should die, then give me a good death. At that moment I had no desire except death. I remembered that Bhagavan’s vibhuti can grant immortality. I somehow managed to put a pinch of it on my tongue. As soon as I took the vibhuti I felt that someone made me sit in perfect padmasana [lotus pose]. I again prayed to Bhagavan, ‘Baba, please stop all these confusing thoughts.’ Next moment, my body became like a stone and I felt waves and waves of energy going all around and there was a gentle fragrance, too. Very soon after taking vibhuti, my chest cleared up.
I could experience that my body, the life force, and the mind were separate. It was a very clear experience of ‘you are none of these, you are truly a silent witness.’ I was sweating profusely, the body started breathing properly, and it was no more like a statue.
I slept after this exhilarating experience. I got up for Suprabhatam [verses recited early morning to awaken the deity] at 5 a.m. and felt very fresh and light. I also felt that my outlook had changed, the mind had undergone a great transformation, and my feelings toward my brothers in the hostel also changed. That morning when I went for darshan [sight of a sacred being], Bhagavan came near me and gently pressed my hands with assurance and promised me, ‘Do not worry, Bangaru [endearing term used by Bhagavan], I will always be with you.’ He also said: “I never confuse, I can only save.” I prayed sincerely to Bhagavan to help me and take me to divine heights.
My life was full of contentment. God’s mercy showered one more boon. After I started getting a calm mind, with a little practice of namasmarana [contemplation on the Lord’s name] ‘Om Sri Sathya Sai Ram’, I extended my hours of dwelling on His name and form. Initially I feared that my studies would suffer. Later on I discovered that it was natural for me, even while studying, to contemplate on Him.
I believed in one principle: Why should I worry for my bread? When I was born, milk was made available by God without demanding. We remain His children all through our lives. Nothing bothers me when I spend longer and longer hours in contemplation. This detachment is the first step to atma vidya [self knowledge]. When I see Bhagavan constantly for a few minutes and close my eyes, His powerful vibrations transmute me so much that I get ananda [bliss].
In December 1988, I suffered from a severe asthmatic attack and cough due to an allergy. I decided I would not take any medicine except Baba’s vibhuti. During this suffering, I used to manage to go to the Hostel Mandir (temple) for Suprabhatam. My sadhana [spiritual practice] was not interrupted but further strengthened. After completing the 21st Omkaram [recitation of Om] I used to be immersed in Bhagavan’s soothing powerful vibration that kept me going. I could manage to fix my mind on Bhagavan’s lotus feet. At that moment I used to forget the body and enjoyed the bliss I felt. The moment I used to come out of meditation, the same deadly asthma would take over.
Bhagavan appeared in my dream on the eighth day. He created some vibhuti and rubbed it on my chest. The feeling was as powerful as if Bhagavan was physically rubbing vibhuti. That night I slept well. Bhagavan’s dreams are not mere dreams. They are realities. By next day morning, I was cured.
Without exaggeration I can say that every moment of my life since my contact with Bhagavan is an experience. Bhagavan has transformed me. It is only He who has done this, only He made me progress spiritually. From the poison of materialism to the experience of God within is, in brief, a gift that Bhagavan has given me. While in the awakening state I am able to contemplate on Bhagavan, my heart blossoms in joy and my mind rests in peace, deep in meditation within; I am in perfect communion with Bhagavan.
May Lord Sai give this gift to all.
Source: Sai Vandana, 1990 (65th Birthday Offering)
Sathya Sai with Students
